Tag Archives: English

Guaranteed

Other, , ,

One of my new favorite hobbies is reading the guarantees on Walmart’s Great Value brand food labels. Sometime recently they’ve redesigned their packaging to be white, blue, and simplistic, but with each item they include a guarantee of what they’re food will be. Usually the guarantees seem to be pretty safe. For instance, did you know that they guarantee trail mix to be fruity and nutty?

Thank you, Walmart, for guaranteeing that my fruit and nut trail mix is, indeed, fruity and nutty. Also, breadcrumbs are guaranteed to be crunchy and crumbly.

But some of the guarantees are a little less obvious, like distilled white vinegar:

Pure. Robust. Guaranteed. And I think one of my favorites is the guarantee on cream of chicken soup:

Versatile. Creamy. Isn’t that just perfect? I want to know whose awesome job it is to pick out just two adjectives to describe each and every Great Value food item. And maybe this could be a new dare/prank activity: walk into Walmart and try to complain that your cream of chicken soup isn’t versatile enough for you. See what they do.

Paige’s Fans

Just Life, Other, ,

Tonight Josh and I were sitting next to each other tonight working on our computers. Josh leaned over to look at something on my screen. Meanwhile, the internal fans that keep my computer cool were blowing ridiculously hard because my computer’s a little old and lost half of its memory (sad story). Josh commented, “Your fans are going crazy!” And for some reason, my first thought was, “Really? My raving fans? Cool! Where?” (I think I was picturing something along the lines of “Go Go Go Joseph” from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.) Um, no idea why I’d think that. But wouldn’t that be cool, if we all did have crowds/singers and dancers cheering us on when we were, uh, sitting at our computers and typing emails? ;-)

My second thought was, “Isn’t English cool?” I mean, come on, aren’t multiple-meaning words and ambiguity like that pretty fascinating, once you think about it?